Being Home

So ive been home for over a month now, and i know its really harsh, but my mother is driving me insane. I really cannot stand being home. Just everything she does seems to irritate me. I suppose its hard living away and doing everything for yourself and then having to come back and have someone fussing around you. Which no offence she only talks to me when she wants to moan about something. I still do my own washing, clean my room, cook for her and my brother and i pretty much look after myself. Whereas my mums cleans my 22 year old brother's room and does his washing and when im not here she cooks for him and does the washing up.
It drives me insane how much he gets away with. He works all day, thats fair enough. But when i was struggling though my GCSE's and my A Levels, I had to come home and cook for the house and sort the animals etc... So how come he gets away with it?
Mothers are automatically maternal, and as i have grown up, due to the fact ive been my mother's carer since i was 7, and now have left for uni, my mother only has my brother who as a man likes being looked after. It is pathetic, she cleans his room daily and cleans the bath out after him, which is disgusting by the way.
I miss Jack, and i cannot wait to go back to uni to be with my friends. I am off to Jacks on monday and im couting down the minites. x

It was Jack's 21st last monday, and as you can see i spoilt him. He had comic books, x-box game, two books he wanted, a new bag and a new wallet with Marvel comic strips over it. Everything he choose, as i dont trust myself buying things for picky people. ( Yes he is very picky). We had a really good day, woke up late, went to watch Harry Potter the last one which we both loved and then we went for some food. After dinner we went to go home but missed the bus so we ended up in the arcade for an hour, where Jack won me a Hello Kitty teddy thing on the crane machine. It was his first time winning as he was very pleased.
The hello kitty doll has a massive head and is very creepy, but i love it because Jack won it for me. Although its not allowed anywhere near the bed when im sleeping.

Families

The beach, such a wonderful place where you can relax, sleep and just be with your family and friends. To kids its an even more fun adventure playground where you can find crabs and shells and pretty stones. I wish i could go back to being a kid in Angle sea, where i stood walking in the water and singing songs to myself while my family left me alone. Its no that i don't love my family, of course i do, i would do anything for them. I am just tired of being the one who has the responsibility.

My brother, I would give him an A* in being an idiot, but at the same time he can be stupidly caring. It just depends what day you get him on. He works as a builder and has a nice wage at the end of each week, which he blows on nothing and alcohol. He pays nothing to my mum in rent and then pretty much gets it back from her when he "borrows" money from her. This annoyes me as he is turning 22 this year and still has to borrow money because hes spent all of his. I am 19 years old and live off of a student budget, which in the summer is basically nothing. I really would like the extra tenna or so from my mum to help me go to the cinema or have a good night with the friends, but my mum doesn't pity me as she does my brother, as i have left her nest and have now been looking after myself since her mental breakdown back when i was 7. My dear brother however doesn't know how to grow up. And although i love him, i just wish he would give me a break for once and let me be the not responsible child for a change.

On the line of families i have met one just as messed up as mine. Jack my lovely boyfriend comes from divorced parents like myself, but i have the upper hand as i have no step siblings, whereas Jack has 3. His blood sister Emma is lovely and we really get on, and i was recently at Charlotte's (step), wedding. I didn't get to speak to her much as obviously she was running around catching up with everyone, but she seems lovely too. Jacks step brother David keeps himself to himself and Sarah i am yet to meet. His whole family i have met so far have been extremely nice to me and very welcoming. Especially Jack's mum Tracey. Who is one of the nicest people i have ever met. She is so welcoming and has gone out of her way to make sure i am fine and happy in her home. Her husband however is not one of my favourite people. Even though he is very nice to me, (i think this is because he has been warned), he is awful to Jack and Emma. He makes "jokes", which are hurtful and are not funny. He basically doesn't like Tracey having a life before him and because Emma and Jack are a life before him he hates them with a passion. I mean hate, I am not exaggerating, Hate is what i mean. I have been informed by various people, Glen's own daughter included, that he is better than he use to be. He has that, I don't care what anyone thinks attitude, which is fine, as long as you don't tell people what your thinking. The fact that he says everything he thinks i find extremely annoying, yes glen for the 100000000000000000th time i know you don't want Jack living here anymore, just stfu! The day is can tell Glen he is a **** I will be extremely happy.

I miss home, i miss being comfortable in my own house and being able to eat what i want when i want and not feeling uncomfortable or like I'm in the way. I just don't like it, and i don't like having everything done for me. Tracey and Jan (Jack;s step mum), they do everything for everyone, and i feel awkward. In my house someone cooks and then someone else washes up. Usually me or my mum. And i clean all the animals and do my own washing and hoover my own room. People doing it all for me makes me feel useless and like I'm in the way, i dislike it and hate feeling this way.

My New World

Okay, X-Box Games. I am not a very good person when it comes to playing games, as I'm not competitive with other people as i would rather they be happy and win than me as i dint really care. Also i am really clumsy, as Jack and everyone around me always points out. Pass me a glass, and i am likely to drop it if there is a loud sound or something happens that I'm not expecting. I'm seriously bad at balance, timing and pretty much everything that involves any slight effort to be good standing up.
So Jack, who i love more and more each day, is a big gamer, and can spend hours of his time doing than rather than cuddling me on the sofa and watching a film. In all honesty it doesn't take much for me to persuade him that I'm more fun than a game, but it can be a struggle, especially when he is playing LA Noire and extremely into it.
Anyway, this past few days i have been introduced into this new world of gaming, and i have quite enjoyed myself. I have not much experience of games, Crash Bandicute, Hercules the Disney game, and then a few other is use to play on my computer. In all honesty, i was pretty good on crash. My cousins (all boys) hated that i could beat them, easily, on it. So LA Noire, what a fun game for me, as i am very into detective programmes and love Agatha Christie books. My nan had like all of them, which I'm dieing to get my hands on. Anyway, LA Noire, the fun game that has shooting, driving and the amazing interrogation feature where you have to decide if they are lying or telling the truth. I am in love with this bit of the game, the reason i started playing. I watched Jack play for three days and i have really wanted to ever since, so now if the perfect time as i was crap on sonic. I just couldn't contain my patience long enough really. Whereas with LA Noire i have, which is very strange.
The love of this new game is really weird for me as i hate games and really don't understand why people play them so much. I am enjoying me new insight into this new world and hope another game interests me enough to keep me playing.

Christmas

I have to talk about this as i think i have bored my friends senseless with it, but i suppose writing it down will obviously be a big help.
Jack and I got together two weeks before the Christmas holiday at uni, so we were about to have three weeks apart. As we had both just got out of long relationships, i suggested that for the three weeks we could perhaps go on a break so that when we got back to uni we could start our relationship properly. Jack didnt want that, so he convinced me to stay together even over christmas. I has just got out of a two year relationship, so i was very confused with how i was feeling and was worried that Jack was just a rebound or something and really didnt want him to be that as i liked him alot. So we agreed to be together, even make it facebook oficial, (as we all know how important that is now!), and we were getting along happily. 

We had to do the awkward swapping of the stuff with the ex's, which i did the first saturday home. Then Jack did his with lets call her L, on the monday, where she tried to kiss him and then later got drunk and slept in his bed. So okay, we got off to a rocky start. After christmas day Jack asked me if he could go skiing, which he had bought before he split with L, but she refused to not go, and he was losing out on £600. So i didnt want to say no, as how could i do that, only being with him for a few short weeks, and barely together really, tell him he cannot go on holiday. We argued about it, as i was worried about him and L as they would have to share a room. I know i am a fricking idiot i should have said no and told him to not be such an idiot. But me being me thought well hes obviously not interested if he wants to be with her, so okay go then. I said that if anything happened between them, then that its okay, as we would sort it out when he go back. (I know, idiot). 

Then the next day, i was at a house party, quite drunk may i add, and low and behold i recieve a text suggesting that we break up, and that he is an idiot and he understands if i hate him. So after alot of swearing at my brother and his friend about how men are... well you know, I sucked it up and phoned te idiot.

I called him an idiot as i reallt didnt understand what was happening, i had told him to have fun skiing, and basically sent him condoms to sleep with his ex. I was being an absolute twat and he didnt seem to notice. So this conversation made things worse, as i agreed that over the next two weeks we could both do as we wish and when we got back it would all be good. ( I should be slapped for all woman kind i know, im such an idiot). So Jack being shocked and v happy as he gets to have his cake and eat it went skiing and did what he did. On new years eve,after a long week of me being in london with my friends and me ebing drunk for all of it, seriously, didnt sober up from when he technically dumped me until the following week. So on enw years eve i got a text from Jack with a kiss and saying he missed me. So total mind fuck i know. I was already packing my stuff to go back to uni to get away from my ex and all of that shizz that was going down, and then i have him texting me that and then going to sleep with his ex. w.t.f.

So i got back to uni on my own as my house was empty and then Sinead joined me the next day, and during her arrival i noticed that i had missed my time of the month, oh great so not only had i been dumped i might also be preganant with his fricking child. Sinead was all up for ringing and yelling and going total ginger bad ass on him, I was more crying in the corner as being such a dick.

So it came to the night that Jack arrived back at uni, and i got v drunk. Knowing i wasnt pregnant, SCORE!, and happily enjoying my friends and thier madness. But they let me walk home alone. And i bump into Beth, who is friends with the Boys of Myrddin 5 (Jacks house), so we decied to go and see whos in. So there me all drunk and soo not sexy banging on Jacks door at 2am, after he had not slept for 36 hours. Oh yeah that was me, and what did i do, yell and be very angry. I was hurt and i wanted him to hurt, so what do i do? I lie and tell him i slept with 3 people, technically i slept with them. we just didnt have sex. They all tired, but i stopped as me being foolish didnt want to because i liked Jack so much. IDIOT!
So after all this we worked things out, 6 months later i told him the truth about me not sleeping with people, which he was pissed about, as i lied. But i was hurt and then felt stupid for not sleeping with them, as he slept with L, So why should i be the idiot who didnt? 

No im not allowed to talk about Christmas as Jack thinks its the biggest mistake of his life, and i know he means it. Even though he sounds bad here, he isnt in reality. We finally had a massive fight about it again, and he finally told me why he did it all and why he was an idiot. And it kinda makes sense, and i agree with why he did what he did and i realise i should have said no. So seriosuly, if you have the chance to just say no, then do. Becuase it will save alot of heartache and pain.
Six months on and we are happier than ever, and we have made our Anniversary the night i went and yelled at him for getting me pregnant. Such a good memory, and then it erases christmas. x

Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Pathetic stupid arguments that i just dont seem to be able to get away from. Obviously there is the ex situation which is obviously awkward due to how we got together, but then to have them keep coming up, well, bleughhh. Thats my opinion on them. I dont talk to mine, vis-à-vis you dont speak to yours. well in all fairness he doesnt, but seriously people, i must be going insane. she keeps contacting him. first about an old phone she gave him, and desperately wants back. (yeah right) then she slept with his best friend and the one night i wasnt with him she HAS to tell him, which apparently takes like 7 hours. how long does, hey im a bitch, i slept with your best friend, im sorry, take? she is mental and will hanunt me forever. I am really not looking forward to accidentally bumping into her or something. the quicker we get out of this hell whole i will be soo much more at peace. we went shopping yesterday and all day i was worried she would be there. thats seriously pathetic.

not only is she mental she has stopped his friends from talking to him, if that isnt obsessed i dont now what is.  but of course he is a boy and doesnt understand how mental woman can actually be. i know, cause im mental aswell. we all are especially when it comes to men. I just wish there was something i could do to prove that she is attention seeking. bleurghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lovely Dinner

So there is this tradition at Jacks house that you have to sit down and eat dinner everyday. Now to me this is annoying and weird, as i havnt done that in my life at all. I find it odd and im not ashamed to say it. Along with this i actually have to talk to the awful Glen, Jacks stepdad, who is horrible to Jack and his Siter, Emma. I hate viewing this and cannot understand why he is allowed to get away with this at all. His mum obviously loves him, but to speak so badly about her kids infront of her and them, its awful. I seriously dislike how he talks about Jack infront of me. Its rude and very unfunny. It makes me want to lash out, and i dont know how long i can stop not doing so. 

Other than that i am enjoying being in sunny Selsey, well its kinda been raining alot, which i find funny. We went shopping in Chicester yesterday and i got myself a new necklace as my mum accidentally hoovered up my l.o.v.e one. I really liked it and did try and get the same one but it wasnt there. I got a nice little love heart from h Samuel. I really like it. and its light weight which i look for in a daily wear necklace. We also had a nice walk across the sea a few days ago. It was very windy. Even though i love being with jack i do miss home and alfie alot. and im busting to get back to be able to start doing what i want when i want. I do like being here but obviously when your at someone elses house you cant do what you want when you want etc... it just makes me feel akward. Especially as Jack doesnt feel comfortable here because of Glen.

Life.so.sucks.atm.